Things I learned when I turned 40

1. Nobody shows up when you turn 40 to repossess your desire for fun.
2. Your telomeres are shrinking, but you do not instantly become infirm at 40.
3. The little red sports car does not magically show up in your driveway.
4. College students don’t know when you turn 40. Old is old.
5. Hey kids! Get off of my lawn!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go scold the mayor and the chief of police. Some combination of (1) and (5), I think.