By the way, we have a son

Apparently some people view birth announcements as requests for gifts, and therefore refrain from widely distributing birth announcements or bridle at receiving them. We view David’s birth announcement as an announcement of David’s birth. This is the most important piece of news in our lives since we got married, so we want to share that news. We chose to create a physical keepsake, rather than rely on electronic communication, to signify the importance of David’s birth to us. We are planning to start mailing some of these out soon.

If you receive a birth announcement from us, it is because we want to share the news of David’s birth with you. Please don’t bridle. Don’t call my mother to complain. And for fuck’s sake, if you feel compelled to send a gift that you don’t actually want to send because we rudely mailed you a birth announcement (or sent you an email announcement, or called you to tell you that we have a son, or invited you to come share our joy in person and actually meet this brand new human being who we think is really amazing and who will want and need friends of all ages), get some therapy and grow a fucking spine. As far as we’re concerned, all of the reciprocity required by society is simply to reply through some convenient means at some convenient time with some convenient expression of your congratulations and/or good wishes for our and/or his future. Many of you have already done so, and we treasure those calls and cards and visits and emails and Facebook comments. If you happen to express (or even feign) joy at the same time, whether through words or tone of voice, you’ll make us even happier. That previous sentence is simply a point of information, not a demand for you to increase our happiness. And the sentence after that previous sentence, the sentence immediately preceding this one that you are now reading, is the exact sort of disclaimer that we feel very strongly we should not have to keep providing.

If you don’t receive a birth announcement from us, it is because we have run out of stamps, or because we don’t have your address, or because we can no longer find the Post Office in this Godforsaken frozen wasteland named Massachusetts. So instead of fretting or fuming or sighing with relief that you haven’t received one of these deeply offensive announcements that our household’s population has increased by 50% (or 33% if you include the dog, or 100% if you don’t include one of us, or 0.00414% by mass), just let us know at some time convenient to you that you’d like one. We have plenty. Because we think that it’s fun to share good news.

And by the way, we have a son. His name is David, and we think the world of him.